27. A Tribute to My Dad, The Dairy Farmer

My dad was a passionate and devoted dairy farmer to the last minute of his life, which came too soon for his family, the day after Thanksgiving 2025. I follow a vegan lifestyle as best I can. The decision to change my lifestyle sometime in 2020 after the birth of my third daughter amid a global pandemic was not a rebellion against my father or my family. However, a fellow psychiatrist colleague did jokingly ask me a couple of years ago if there was a Freudian undertone to my abrupt rejection of eating animals and their secretions. My answer was no, but it was a fair question.

My path to eating plant-based has been one of love for my family and self, then of animals, others, and this abundant planet. Trading animals for plants as food unites people around a range of potential goals, including improved health, reduced violence, and environmental stewardship. It feels good physically to eat as many whole plant foods as possible. Whole grains, vegetables, fruits, beans, nuts, and seeds contain vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, fiber, carbohydrates, fats, and yes, even protein. In fact, the more animal protein that is replaced by plant protein, the better for health outcomes. The health benefits of plant-based eating are well documented in thousands of scientific studies, so it was no surprise to me that I survived eating a vegan diet.

 I had done my homework. As a physician, I am cautious and risk-averse, so I have read books and scientific papers while earning certificates in nutrition and lifestyle modification to ensure that I am not missing critical information. What the data had not prepared me for was feeling better emotionally. Deciding to feed myself without directly or intentionally harming or killing animals brings me a great deal of peace.

My peace has not been shattered by rejection from family or friends. Yet it also feels like a choice of tribe. Pick one and reject the other, or suffer the consequence of rejection by all. That’s not how this has played out in my meat-eating dairy family. They embrace my choice for me if not for themselves. They welcome my plant-based dishes at family gatherings and keep jokes to an absolute minimum, even though we are a family who loves to poke fun. They understand that this is part of who I am, and they love me fully.

My dad never once joked about my new lifestyle choices. My mom is integrating many new plant-based options into their life. I had the idea of interviewing my dad about his life as a farmer from childhood to the present. In my work as a psychiatrist, I interview people for a living and take great joy in gleaning insights from the subtlest clues in their words and from the spaces between what they say. I put off this hypothetical interview with my dad year after year. He didn’t even know it was on my mind. I told my mom after he died, and she said, “He would have loved that.”

My dad and I spoke openly about everything in life, including our differences in lifestyle choices. I did not get the chance to record my dad’s personal account of his life in a structured interview. It is not my story to tell. I write only about my own story, based on my singular experience in life.

Dad told me that all types of people come to their farm: vegans, carnivores, and everyone in between. He said, “I listen to all of them.” Did it pain me to watch him eat a big bowl of ice cream as an all too frequent evening snack after listening to me drone on and on about the benefits of ditching ice cream? Yes. But he had recently switched to a big bowl of blueberries. He listened.

Deciding to pivot and adopt new lifestyle habits does not require a complete change of personality or personal identity. Being vegan or plant-based has opened my heart wide, which sometimes hurts. The intention is more important than the label, but people understand what “vegan” means nowadays, so that feels like a simple way to describe my food choices in one word.

The most challenging part of switching to a plant-based eating pattern was not the practical implementation but rather the emotional attachment to my dad and all that he poured his life force into. It calms my mind and conscience to know that animals weren’t bred, born, and killed for my nourishment. My parents taught me compassion for people and non-human animals, and I felt the dissonance between loving others and using animals for our benefit.

Of course, that very same animal-growing business has supported my family and me, not only financially but also as a massive extended family and support network of other farmers. I embrace everyone from vegans to pre-vegans and farmers alike. We are all doing the best we can with the information that we have.

Have you encountered conflict in your life between past choices and current choices? How have you dealt with changes that impact your relationships?